You know this situation: You’ve had a few (and then some) at a bar and you feel like running to the supermarket to get some more to keep your buzz (and the fun) going at home. (Alright, I confess. I’ve done it too. Many times.) You get to the store and plop a case of beer on the counter, already envisioning all the fun you and your buddies will have later on. But what’s this? The clerk won’t sell you any alcohol because “you appear intoxicated”! Oh dear.
I’ve been in that situation a few times prior to working on the other side of the counter. To do a little bit of public service here, I’ll let you in on a few secrets on how to avoid these situations.
There are five instances when a clerk at a supermarket or liquor store cannot sell alcohol to a customer:
-When the customer is under the legal drinking age (limit varies by country).
-When the customer doesn’t have valid identification to prove his or her age, when prompted by the clerk.
-When a customer is trying to purchase alcohol during hours when selling alcohol is not allowed, as mandated by law. (If you really need to buy a case of beer at 7am on a Tuesday, you might have a problem…)
-When the clerk suspects that the alcohol, once purchased, will be passed on to minors.
-When the customer is visibly intoxicated.
In most countries, the store and the clerk are subject to a fine, or other such reprimands, if one of the above rules is broken. Selling to minors is pretty easy to avoid. (You look young. May I see some identification, please? You’re 29? My bad. Just being vigilant.)
The second rule, well, no ID, no brewsky. Really quite simple. Just carry ID with you whenever buying alcohol, especially if you look or are young.
Thirdly, if there are time restrictions on the purchase of alcoholic beverages, either you should already be aware of it, or the times are posted within the store.
The fourth and fifth rule are where it gets difficult for the clerk to make the sell or no sell decision, and for the customer to actually succeed.
I’ll touch upon purchasing alcohol for minors in another post. Rule number five, purchasing alcohol when intoxicated, is the topic of the day.
Clerks are imposed with a certain degree of social responsibility here. In rare cases a clerk might be directly responsible for the well being of the intoxicated customer he or she sold alcohol to. To be clear, a clerk might have to pay fines to both the customer and the courts if the customer injures themselves as a result of consuming the alcohol they weren’t supposed to have been sold. (This actually applies to bartenders too). Thankfully though, it’s really hard to prove cause and effect in these instances. Nevertheless, nice pressure on the clerk, huh?
What exactly does “intoxicated” mean? I’ve never gotten a proper answer to this question. Most cases of intoxication are pretty obvious and straightforward though. Too drunk to stand up straight? Check. Too drunk to speak coherently? Check. Too drunk to walk without bumping into everything around you? Check. Reeking of alcohol? (Not the ‘morning-after-a-boozer-night’ smell, but the ‘I’ve-been-drinking-for-four-hours-straight’ smell.) Check. See a pattern emerge here? These are the easy cases.
Does intoxication merely apply to having consumed more than a certain quantity of alcohol? Where’s the limit? (“Buth I’fe {hic} only hath {hic} three… no… one beersh! {hic} What about recreational drugs? Is someone who’s just smoked two joints intoxicated? What about if this person has just snorted kilo of cocaine (ok, they’d be dead…)? What if they’re high on paint fumes, or prescription drugs, or from drinking 28 cappuchino’s?
I hope you can see the dilemma from the clerk’s point of view. If you can, here’s how to purchase alcohol when you’re “intoxicated”:
-Prepare for the fact that you might not be sold any alcohol. You can never tell how good the clerk is at spotting intoxication. They might have had their eye on you from the moment you walked into the store. Or, you might just get lucky and get a clerk who only has half a brain or is new to the job. Just be prepared. Most clerks can smell hesitation, fear and worry from a mile away.
-Be lukewarm. Meaning, don’t try too hard to act sober or cool. Don’t be loud and obnoxious either. If you try too hard to cover up your intoxication, you’ll stand out as much as a fat bloke in a dress amongst Miss Universe contestants. This is probably the second biggest mistake drunk people make in these situations (the biggest mistake is thinking that you’re actually sober, when infact you’re crawling on the floor…).
-Be nice, gentile, courteous and friendly to the clerk, but don’t over do it. Again, trying too hard is not a great idea. Just be normal, with a little cherry on top for decoration. If the polite behavior seems genuine, but you seem a little bit too intoxicated, but not too much, the clerk might just let it slip, just because you were nice to them. I have, and I know others do too.
-Guys, DON’T try to hit on the female clerks, just to get them to sell you alcohol. Damn near every female clerk will not like it, leading to a very dry night for you. Even if the clerk is flattered by the flirtation attempts, they’re at work and there’s usually rules against that kind of behavior when at work. And girls, hitting on a male clerk might work in some cases, but most of the time the guy will immediately realize your hidden agenda.
-Don’t talk on your cell phone while you stand in line and/or during the transaction. If you’re talking with your friends on the phone, you’re likely to fall out of character, and the switch back to it will be obvious, at the very least. Talking on your cell phone during the transaction is also rude and inconsiderate towards the clerk, and in these cases, that’s not a good idea. (It’s never nice.)
-TIPPING DOES NOT WORK!
-Don’t talk too much, but don’t be completely silent either. If you talk too much, you come off as being seemingly nervous. If you don’t utter a single word, you look like you’re hiding something, or trying to act sober.
-Don’t forget to greet the clerk, in a very normal tone of voice. As ordinary of a gesture as it should be, it’s still very polite, and it’ll go a long way.
-Take no for an answer. The clerk will not go back on his or her word. Pleading, begging, threatening, tipping, and appealing to the clerk’s sympathy will not work. A no is a no.
-Don’t try to be funny. A sober clerk, sitting at work, will not find you exceptionally funny. Especially if you’re drunk. If you’ve ever been sober around drunk people, you’ll know what I mean. Drunk people are only funny to other drunk people.
-Remember that even after money has changed hands, as long as your within the store, the clerk can still change his or her mind. No high-fives with friends, on stupid comments towards the clerk (after paying for a 12-pack of beer, the worst thing to say is “ha ha, you sold me alcohol even though I’m drunk! Woo!” True story. Idiot.). If you managed to purchase alcohol while intoxicated, keep the act going until you have left the store.
Now, if you remember all of the tips I’ve outlined above, your chances of acquiring alcohol whilst drunk should increase. (The Consumer Etiquette Guide will not issue a quarantee of success. It’s up to you to make it work.) If you notice that you’re too drunk to walk straight, talk coherent, or be sensible in any way, don’t even bother trying to purchase alcohol. This guide is aimed at the instances when you’re tipsy or a little drunk. Not when you’re stumbling drunk, too intoxicated to form a complete, grammatically correct sentence.
Disclaimer: This How To Guide was written as an attempt to provide some help to the consumers who might find themselves in these kind of situations. Please, use some common sense while drinking. I will not be held responsible for any stupidities you might commit under the influence of alcohol. Don’t drink and drive. Drink responsibly and know your limits.
If you have a story relating to this post, from either side of the counter, let’s hear it! Any successes or failures in buying alcohol while drunk? Clerks, what are your guidelines for these cases? Any hopelessly stupid attempts? Sharing is caring. =)
The customer is NOT always right. If you agree with this, or wish to know what to do and not do as a consumer, please subscribe to this blog’s updates by the way of the RSS feed or email subscriptions. Thank you for shopping at the Consumer Etiquette Guide, now go and make someone have a nice day at work!
Posted by Jani 
