What Is Your Major Malfunction, Visa Electron!?

Whoever invented and made Visa Electron a reality should be tarred, feathered, strapped to the end of a bullet-train with a bungee cord and sent away for eternity.

The concept in and of itself is not bad at all. Plain and simple, you have a card which is attached to your bank account which verifies each purchase before allowing it, preventing you from overdrafting. It’s great for people with low income and especially for children. In theory.

The problem arises from the fact that each transaction needs to be verified, as the register needs to call the verification center and check that you have enough money to pay for your purchases. Consider the fact that we’re only a few days from Christmas. EVERYBODY is shopping right now! Apparently the connection between the store I work at and the verification center is dated, and buckles under the traffic coming from everywhere else. To put it simply, Visa Electron gets hung up on now by the verification systems. It’s either excruciatingly slow, or it just won’t go through (after trying for a few minutes). And no, it can’t be punched in manually. That would defy the purpose of it, so it can’t be done.

The ingenuity of Visa Electron is also its downfall. When it first came out, all the banks were pushing it on everyone, praising how great it was and that everyone needs to get one. It’s impossible to overdraft! Guess the banks kinda screwed that one up…

So, to warn customers beforehand that Visa Electon does not work, we’ve put up signs to inform people of this unfortunate fact. You see the sign, realize that you don’t have any other forms of payment, so you leave your shopping with the cashier and go to the ATM. Pretty simple, right?

Some people just don’t get it. Whenever things go ’round the bend, we get these gems from customers:

• Why won’t you accept my card!?
  It’s not a question of not accepting your card, but more so that the connection to have your purchase verified is busy or offline right now. Although we do typically accept your card, it cannot be used right now. We apologize for this inconvenience.
• Why doesn’t it work?
  Because we want to make your shopping experince as arduous and annoying as possible! No, it doesn’t work because the phone lines to the verification center are jammed, as everyone is shopping right now. Allow me to give you a similar experience as an example: have you ever tried to call your doctor or hospital at 8am during an outbreak of influenza and tried to book an appointment? Been waiting on hold for your turn forever as all operators are busy right now? Same thing.
  Here’s another example: you ever try to book tickets by phone to the biggest movie of the year on opening night and had to wait your turn for ages? Same thing.
  The only difference between the two examples above and the verification scenario with Visa Electron is that there is a certain amount of time the register will try to get through before giving up. It can’t stay on the phone forever.
• It says at the entrance to the store that you accept it, so you have to take it!
  We do accept it! It’s. Just. Not. Working. Right. Now. The sign indicating the cards this store accepts mean that yes, we do accept those cards. But, if, for whatever reason, a particular card is not working at this very instant, that does not mean that we’ve stopped accepting it wholly. Right now it’s just not working. Hence, I can’t take your card at this very moment.
• But it works everywhere else!
  Well this store is not everywhere else! Every store has their own connection to the verification center, leading to some stores being put on hold while others get through. I’m not an engineer so I can’t tell you the intricate technical workings of this, but I do know that some stores have a faster and more stable connection than others.
• Just enter it manually!
  Due to the nature of Visa Electron, I cannot do that, nor am I allowed to. Entering your card information does not verify your account balance. Even if it does, it’s just a slower way of your card not working.
• You should’ve told me it doesn’t work as soon as I entered the store!
  Being stretched for workers as it is (and this applies to pretty much every store, not because of lack of workers but because of a lack of available work-hours assigned by the head office), we can’t spare a worker to just stand at the door and greet every customer with “Good afternoon, welcome to Retail World. I’m sorry to inform you that Visa Electron does not work right now. If you have no other form of payment available, there’s an ATM just around the corner.” Nor are the cashiers going to inform every customer about it personally. That’s why we’ve put up signs to inform you.
• But it worked yesterday/an hour ago/last week/etc…!
  Well that was then, this is now. It’s not like stores have either planned this ahead of time or received a schedule of when the lines are jammed. At best it’s akin to shooting in the dark, trying to hit a penny on someone’s head.
• I don’t another card/cash, so I get all this for free, right?
  You don’t seem to understand the concept of for-profit business? A slight inconvenience, which I might add is not the stgore’s fault, and the first thing you want is something for free. So to answer your question, NO! Welcome to the real world, chum!
• This happens to me every single time I’m here! This store sucks/I should get a discount!
  First of all, I think you’re exaggerating. But, if it really does happen to you all the time, please know that it is not intentional. Oh, if it happens to you everytime, why don’t you start carrying cash? What was that? You need the 200 euro bill in your wallet for parking money? Well, in that case, I guess you can’t buy these items then. As for a discount, nope. Not gonna happen.
• What are you going to do about it?
  Um, nothing. It’s not my fault it doesn’t work right now. There is no one I can call, there’s nothing I can type into the computer to make it magically work. I cannot affect this unfortunate turn of events right now. All I can do is apologize, hope you have other form of payment, or hold on to your purchases while you run to the ATM.

For the sake of relating to this post, I have two Visa Electron cards from two different banks. I was suckered into believing that they’re they new world order. After working all of this Christmas, I’ve had enough of the malfunctions. I’m getting a bank and a credit card…

Computers aren’t perfect yet. Malfunctions, errors, system crashes, and such occur every now and then, and there is nothing the cashiers can do about it. So how about you be understanding and not have a behavioral malfunction about it? Thank you!

If you have a story relating to this post, from either side of the counter, or anything to add to his chapter of The Consumer Etiquette Guide, let’s hear it!

The customer is NOT always right. If you agree with this, or wish to know what to do and not do as a consumer, please subscribe to this blog’s updates by the way of the RSS feed or email subscriptions. Thank you for shopping at The Consumer Etiquette Guide, now go and make someone have a nice day at work!

Jesus Loves You! (Everyone Else Thinks You’re An Asshole)

Hands up who’s ever had someone come up to you, hand you a leaflet and start talking to you about Jesus and the importance of accepting Christ?

Ok, from the show of hands I can tell most of you know what I’m talking about.

Now, what do you usually do when you spot someone passing out these flyers, looking to talk to you about the love of Christ? Who here just keeps walking or gives them the cold shoulder?

Still a bunch of hands up in the air. Good, good.

Ever been stuck in a place where you can’t escape, if that would be your plan of action?

Right, final question to those of you who still have their hand up in the air. This ever happen to you at WORK?

Look, I have nothing against people doing what they like doing. I’m not bashing religion. I’m comfortable with my relationship, or lack there of, with religion. I categorize you in the same merry bunch as the Greenpeace and Unicef drones who approach me on the streets. I’ll approach you if I deem it necessary. Go ahead and spread the word of God. Just please, please have some respect for those who choose not to listen to you. Forcing religion on people is not kosher (sorry about that…).

Most importantly though, don’t do it when I’m at work! I have enough whackjobs to deal with, so I don’t need a lesson in religion when I’m trying serve customers. (Especially don’t start preaching to me when you look like you’ve been living in a cave since the turn of the century. Oh, and combining this sermon with the purchase of two packs of sausages, a gossip magazine and a six-pack of beer really makes you seem like an ideal servant of God…)

This example runs along with one of the most crucial themes of this etiquette guide: respect. This behavior at the checkout counter is truly disrespectful, as you’re holding up the line, inconveniencing the people behind you, and most importantly putting the clerk into an uncomfortable situation where they can’t escape from and can’t do this job. There’s a time and a place for most things, and preaching about Jesus does not belong at a place of business.

One of the last things a cashier, sitting at the supermarket cash register, needs is someone launching into a sermon on why, right now, at this very spot, you need to accept Christ as your savior. What they need is better pay, a break and a little respect. Never heard about God or Jesus paying anyone’s bills…

Oh, and that little leaflet you shove into my hand so I can “learn to love Jesus on my coffee break”? Please don’t be dumbfounded when I give it back to you, or shocked when I throw it into the trash a few minutes later. If you see me throwing it into the trash ten minutes later, don’t come and hand me another one. There was a darn good reason why I threw it away in the first place! (the prose was substandard, and I didn’t really care too much for the lead characters…)

If you’re one of these people, or know someone who does this, here’s a short list of responses you might get from a clerk if you try to woe them into your religion while they’re on the clock, as well as what they might actually be thinking:

Jesus Loves You! = Thank you and have a nice day. Thanks, now please move along.
Here, take this leaflet so you can learn more about Jesus. = Thank you, I’ll take a look at it later. All I need you to give me is some form of payment, possibly some ID as well.
You need to accept Jesus as your savior! = Um, ok. Thank you, I’ll be sure to remember that. Do I now? Can Jesus give me a pay raise?
You must accept Jesus as your savior or you’ll burn in Hell! = Um… (No idea how to react to that.) Security!
Jesus this and Jesus that…(launching into an endless sermon about how I’m a sinner and why I should love Jesus because he’s such a *cool* guy) = Thank you for sharing that with me, but I really must get back to my job. zzzzzzzzz…

Finally, a note to religious leaders. Having nutcases bother people on the streets, at work or through the mailbox opening on doors is probably not the best image you want to portray. Neither is the crazy lady wearing a white curtain as a dress, complete with a cross on the back, telling everyone who passes by that “God makes me see things”. Hire some underwear models to spread the gospel, that’ll get peoples’ attention!

If you have a story relating to this post, from either side of the counter, let’s hear it!

The customer is NOT always right. If you agree with this, or wish to know what to do and not do as a consumer, please subscribe to this blog’s updates by the way of the RSS feed or email subscriptions. Thank you for shopping at The Consumer Etiquette Guide, now go and make someone have a nice day at work!

Get The [censored] Out Of My [censored] Way!

Obviously no clerk should ever say anything like that to a customer. That’d be a big no-no. Well, not aloud anyway.

Most of the time, it’s the clerk who must either wait for the customer to get out of the way, or go around them. There are though a few cases when the customer should move for the good of clerk-kind, and will move if they have any common sense. (Common sense being the first thing people tend to lose on the way to the stores…)

Here’s my rant of the week, of an event at work yesterday.
The store, which by the way is really quite small, was awash with customers, many of them the hopeless wanderers who couldn’t find the floor without asking for help. Just the way I like it, a slalom course of screaming kids running around, mothers and their baby prams and shopping bags, sweet old grandmas complaining about the cost of everything and other lost souls staring at the ceiling as if someone had written the meaning of life up there.

Navigating the store under these circumstances is a slight task, so I upped the ante. I took it upon myself to carry 5 boxes of candlelights, stacked on top of each other somewhat precariously, each weighing approximately 12KG, from one end of the store to the other. Had to be done, as the boxes haven’t yet learned how to fly that distance, regardless of me persistently training them.

Now, I know my way around the store, and I’m not akin to an elephant in a porcelain store. Nevertheless, the excursion I was about to take was no walk in the park. Being pressed for time just made it ever so slightly more interesting.

Having picked up the 5 boxes, I proceed to my first roadblock: a mother who has parked her baby pram right in front of curtain acting as a door to the back room.
“Excuse me, could I get through please?” (Repeat once.) Pram is moved.
“Thank you!”

Second roadblock: the sad excuse of an organized queue, with people lining up from three different directions to one checkout counter.
“Excuse me.” (Repeat to five different customers) Customers glance and shift ever so slightly in four different directions. (Common sense, where art thou?)

Third roadblock: Middle-aged man has a question.
“Where have you hidden the reading glasses?”
“They’re right behind you.”

Fourth roadblock: A few kids running around playing tag, barely missing other customers and almost dropping items off them shelves.
“Careful, you might hurt yourself running around in here. There’s more space outside for you to run.” (Do I care if you hurt yourself while running around in a small space like a headless chicken? Um, no. I just don’t want to have clean up after you, on top everything else.)

Fifth roadblock: Old man dazed and confused, staring at nothing in general. Also, listening to absolutely nothing.
“Excuse me.” (Repeat three times with varying volume levels, then make it obvious you’re trying to get past.)

Sixth roadblock: Middle-aged woman bumps into me, nearly knocking the top box off my pile, in which case it would have fallen onto another customer.
I apologize. “I’m sorry.” The reply? An angry look. (I apologize dearly for you bumping into me. Geez.)

Seventh roadblock: Several people picking out Christmas cards.
“Excuse me.”
“Sorry.” (Customers move, but point their chit-chat in my direction.)
“You have a lot of really nice Christmas cards this year.” (Lady, they’re exactly the same cards as last year…)

Eight roadblock: Somebody’s shopping bags in the middle of the path. (Look around for owner of said bags, spot a possible candidate.)
“Excuse me, are these your bags?”
“Oh I’m sorry, didn’t realize I left them blocking the path.” (Quite alright, just watch where you put your bags. I almost stepped on your groceries. But anyway, thank you for the sincere apology.)

Ninth roadblock: Old woman approaches me with that look, the look of ‘I have absolutely no idea what I’m looking for, but you’re going to help me find it’.
“Do you work here?”
“Yes I do.” (The fact that I’m wearing a short sleeve workshirt while everyone else has a winter coat on, or the 5 boxes I’m currently carrying didn’t give you a hint?)
“Good, then you can come help me.” (Grabs me by the arm and starts pulling me into the direction I just came from.)
“Sure thing, lemme just put these boxes away first just over there.”
“Oh, fine then.” (Doesn’t seem satisfied that the service wasn’t instantaneous.)

Repeat above scenario x number of times, multiply by lack of sleep to the power of I need coffee.

That’s shipment day during busy seasons.

If you have a story relating to this post, from either side of the counter, let’s hear it!

The customer is NOT always right. If you agree with this, or wish to know what to do and not do as a consumer, please subscribe to this blog’s updates by the way of the RSS feed or email subscriptions. Thank you for shopping at The Consumer Etiquette Guide, now go and make someone have a nice day at work!

The Complaints Notebook

Ever wonder what the cashiers at supermarkets do when they have nothing to do at the checkout counter? When they can’t leave their post? Twiddle their thumbs? Play Sudoku? Doodle? Take a nap?

Pretty much all of the above apply, except for the taking a nap, cuz that would be a bad idea. Oh the countless times I’ve longed to take a nap at work… In addition to the above, at least one supermarket I’ve worked at had a great little timewaster set up for ve cashiers: the Complaints Notebook.

Although the name might imply that this particular notebook serves as a place to write down customer complaints, so the store might improve upon these areas, that’s not the case. It’s something much much better than that.

This notebook is meant solely for the cashiers, for amusement. Management rarely see them, if they even know about them. Instead of writing down complaints that customers have directed at the cashier, the notebook serves as a place for the cashier to write down their complaints about the customers.

Now before you customers start to cry out Bloody Mary and Joseph, read on.

It takes months to fill in this little notebook. Having read many of them, I can tell you that they’re solely for the sake of amusement. No particular customer is singled out by name.

Only about a quarter of the contents of these notebooks are actually complaints about customers, and in those cases they’re very general. As an example, these complaints are typically in the form of “Don’t you hate it when customers…” or “Just had another customer who…”.

The majority of the entries into these notebooks are along the lines of “Boring…”, “Been sitting here for 45 minutes and hadn’t had a single customer in that time…”, “Two hours to go, before I get to party!”, “Register 12 again, the quietest register! Yay?”, and “I need coffee…”. You’ll also find such jewels as “I’ve had it with these f@%§ing christmas carols and it’s only November!” and “Here again, been a while since I last wrote something in this here notebook. How’s everyone doing?”. Must not forget about the doodles, either.

The point I’m trying to make is that not all “bad” customers end up in these notebooks for the amusement of the cashiers. Some of you do though.

So what kind of behavior will grant you a starring role? Read this blog and you’ll get an idea. And it’s not only the notebook you’ll end up in, as the staff love to talk shit about those who made their day sour. It’s a form of therapy to prevent cashiers and clerks from burning out on the job.

To everyone else in the field, how do you vent your frustrations about bad customers? You have a notebook at your checkout counter? Plenty of gossip and such in the breakroom? Need a drink after every shift? Or do you have a blog about it, as I’ve done. What’s your form of therapy?

If you have a story relating to this post, from either side of the counter, let’s hear it!

The customer is NOT always right. If you agree with this, or wish to know what to do and not do as a consumer, please subscribe to this blog’s updates by the way of the RSS feed or email subscriptions. Thank you for shopping at The Consumer Etiquette Guide, now go and make someone have a nice day at work!

Um, Shopping Is Not Allowed After The Store Is Closed…

You know that metal curtain that stores in shopping malls have right by the entrance to the store? [see picture to the left] The one that comes down when the store is closed? When you see that slowly coming down, you can tell that the store is closing, right? Apparently it’s not that obvious to some people…

I was closing shop this past Saturday, some 5 minutes after closing. Every other store was either doing the same or had already closed their doors. There had been announcements over the speakers that the shopping mall was and is now closed. Yet this one couple thought that we were still open and entered the store.

Ok, happens often, but never like this. The metal curtain door thingy that I was closing to lock up the front door was about a meter from the floor, from being completely closed when a foreign couple DUCKED underneath it to enter the store.

Being foreign, I assume they had not understood the announcements that had been played only a few minutes earlier. Nevermind the fact that they had been played in Finnish, Swedish AND English… Or maybe they’re used to being allowed to shop after hours. I don’t know.

So I tell them, in Finnish (not knowing they didn’t understand Finnish), that the store was closed:
Me: Anteeksi, olemme sulkeneet jo. I’m sorry, we’re already closed.
Female Customer: Are you close?
Me: Yes, we’re closed.
Male Customer: Why you close?
Me: Because we close at 6(pm) on Saturdays, just like most stores.
Male Customer: We can shop?
Me: I’m sorry, but I’m already locking up. We’re open again on Monday at 10am.
Male Customer: You open tomorrow?
Me: No.
Male Customer: What time you open tomorrow?
Me:We’re closed tomorrow because it’s Father’s Day. Pretty much all stores are closed.
Male Customer: So, we can not shop now? Not tomorrow?
Me: We closed 10 minutes ago so not today, and we’re closed tomorrow. You’re welcome to come back on Monday though.
Male Customer: Ok. (Shouts something at wife who has been browsing the store this whole time. They leave.)

Lesson of the day?
If you see the store is closing, you can ask if you still have time to get a FEW items. If the doors are almost completely closed, DON’T try to squeeze past or under it to enter the store. The store is closed, and no customers will be served any longer.
In the most basic of English:
Door wide open = Store Open
Door closed but not locked = Store Closing
Door closing and/or being locked = Store Closed

One more hint on the same subject. All stores that have these metal grids in place of an entrance have a tendency to lower it about 1/3 of the way a little bit before closing, just to demonstrate to the customers in the store that the store is closing soon. It’s also a sign to customers who aren’t in the store yet that the store is closing soon. That basically means “please proceed to checkout your shopping, the clerk(s) need to close the store and go home”.

Is that so hard to understand?

If you have a story relating to this post, from either side of the counter, let’s hear it!

The customer is NOT always right. If you agree with this, or wish to know what to do and not do as a consumer, please subscribe to this blog’s updates by the way of the RSS feed or email subscriptions. Thank you for shopping at The Consumer Etiquette Guide, now go and make someone have a nice day at work!