Most Popular Items in November 2007

• Why Does The Christmas Season Start So Early Every Year?
  Does it seem like Christmas starts a little earlier every year? I guess many of you are noticing this, as about a seventh of all the visitors to this blog in November viewed this post. Here are my thoughts on the phenomenon.
  
• How To: Purchasing Alcohol When Slightly Intoxicated
  Purchasing alcohol from a store whilst intoxicated can turn into a buzz killer if the clerk deems you “too intoxicated”. Here are some insider tips on how to go about this successfully.
• The Business of Catalogues: Fact vs Fiction
  Store catalogues are a pain in the you know what, both dr the consumer and for the clerks. To avoid uncomfortable situations and misunderstandings, I’ve done a little fact vs fiction comparison on common mistakes with catalogues.
  
• Photos: KKK-Supermarket (I’m Not Making This Up…)
  Nothing special, just a photo of a store logo in Finland with very little thought behind it…
  
• Jesus Loves You! (Everyone Else Thinks You’re An Asshole)
  Ever have someone try to convert you to their religion while at work? That’s a big no no.
  
• 10 Things NOT To Say To A Clerk On A Busy Day
  I’ve really enjoyed writing these lists, and because of the success of them, there will be more! This one is a list of things to avoid saying on a busy day. Anyone who has ever worked in the service industry has probably heard ALL of them.
  
• 10 Things NOT To Say To A Clerk When Trying To Get A Discount
  Everybody wants a discount, and many will go about in all the wrong ways. Here are some of those wrong ways to try to get a discount, so you’ll learn and increase your chances of actually getting that discount.
  
• “Slut, Where’s My Food!?” [Bad Examples]
  The first of my Bad Examples of bad consumers, and a pretty bad one at that. Kids these days…
  
• “Excuse Me, You Seem To Have A Bird In Your Store.”
  There’s something about a bird inside a store that just makes people lose their minds. I know there’s a bird go the store, and no, you won’t get bird flu from it. Calm down.
  
• Get The [censored] Out Of My [censored] Way!
  The service industry can be hazardous to one’s physical well being. A certain level of acrobatic skills is required to navigate the roadblocks which customers just love creating for the staff and for other employees.
  

I’ve been writing The Consumer Etiquette Guide since the beginning of October and thus far I’m quite pleased with the responses from readers. Thank you to everyone who has read this blog and an especially big thanks to everyone who’s left a comment (James-DigitalKeyToInfo, SLB, randolph, karma, Pasi, Jason A Clark, Court, Jeremy Hobbs, and baliwhat). What I want is to hear more from those who have worked in the service industry and customer service, and if there are any blogs out there from said people, let me know!

As for this site, now that it seems to be building interest and getting a pleasant amount of hits every day, I’m looking to improve on the site design and everything The Consumer Etiquette Guide has to offer.
As soon as I can figure out how to verify my PayPal account without a credit card, I’ll be moving this blog to a self-hosted site complete with an easy to remember domain name. I have big aspirations and ideas (maybe a podcast/vidcast, a mobile version, polls, maybe some competitions down the line, etc, etc…), especially about making the site a lot easier to navigate and find specific parts of etiquette. If you have any suggestions for this site, feel free to drop me a note at consumer dot etiquette at gmail dot com!

I have tons and tons of material, with more popping into my head every day. Because it’s the busiest time of the year in retail right now, I’m striving to get out at least three posts a week, although I’d want to post five times a week, Monday through Friday, possibly more. We’ll get to that frequency after the turn of the year, I promise! =)

So, to conclude, I wish everyone in the service industry good luck and loads of patience during this Christmas season! Remember that we’re only less than four weeks from Christmas being over! And to all you consumers, remember that every clerk, cashier, waitress, et al that you meet this holiday season is working their butt off to make your Christmas shopping go hassle-free, all the while keeping the holiday spirit alive!

Christmas isn’t about how much stuff you buy, it’s about each and every single person around you. Keep that smile on your face and you’ll save everyone from a foul mood during this stressful season!

Here’s to an even better month!

Your host,
Jani

“Sir, I’m Not Retarded. I’m A Trainee”

A surprisingly large proportion of customers seem to be under the false impression that if you work somewhere, you know everything. Nevermind the fact that it might be the clerk’s first day…

There are for all sakes and purposes four kinds of workers in customer service:
Those who have worked for some time, be it a year or 35 years, and know the job like the back of their hand.
Those who have just started several weeks or months earlier and are still getting the hang of the job.
Those who are still in training.
Those who are either temporary workers, seasonal helpers, or students doing a short stint at a place of work for school.

Everyone starts out a new job practically clueless as to what to do. Some more than others, obviously. These people are known as trainees, because, well, they’re being trained on how to do the job. (Pretty self-explanatory, right?)

There are also varying levels of trainees, depending on attitude and prior working experience. Some people get with the program from the very beginning, while others may take a bit longer. Some, unfortunately, never get the hang of it.

For the consumer, dealing with trainees is a necessary evil as you will come into to contact with them quite often. The service industry has a huge turnover of workers, as most young people get their first proper taste of the working life and of customer service here, be it as a cashier at their neighbourhood grocery store, as a telemarketer for the shopping network, or standing behind the cash register at a fast food joint.

In the interest of cutting costs, many stores limit the amount of training new workers receive and usually assign another worker (as opposed to a manager) to handle the training. For example, in the first three weeks as a regular worker I’ve trained 4 temporary workers for about five hours each. Having been a temporary worker myself for the last two years doing what these trainees will be doing, I was immediately deemed to be the best person to train them. (Yay…)

I’ve compliled a short list of tips and hints for the consumer to help them make their shopping experience go a little smoother when faced with a trainee. Cue drumroll please!

• 1. If you’re in a crappy mood, try to stay away from the worker who is wearing a name tag that clearly states them to be a trainee.
  The said trainee will be slow, won’t know everything, is very likely to make a mistake, and all the other things that will piss you off when you’re in a pissy mood. Please move to another cash register, when applicable.

• 2. If there are two clerks at one cash register, one of whom is a trainee, don’t ask the other clerk to open another cash register for you.
  That other clerk is training the trainee and most probably can’t leave them alone. Furthermore, it’s not that simple to open another cash register, as go training cases there’s probably only one cash drawer between the clerk and the trainee.

• 3. If you have a difficult question or need help with something, don’t ask the trainee.
  You will not get an answer from them that will satisfy you. Why? Because they don’t know all that much yet. They’re in training to get to the point when they can serve you properly. That been said, you can ask a trainee a question if you realize that there’s a good chance that they will not know the answer to it, and will merely direct you to a co-worker. Helping customers and answering their questions is an integral part of all customer service positions so asking a trainee is a question will help the trainee go showing them a glimpse of what the job will be like. But no stupid questions and no extravagantly difficult questions, please.

• 4. If the trainee makes a mistake, be patient.
  Everyone makes mistakes. The newer one is at their job, the more likely it is that they’ll make a mistake. As one is supposed to learn from their mistakes, it’s actually a good thing for a trainee to make a mistake. Just DON’T start screaming at a trainee for making a mistake, no matter how severe the mistake was. There will be someone more experienced to fix any problems that might arise.

• 5. If the trainee doesn’t know how to do something, be patient.
  It is impossible to know everything on one’s first day. They’re not stupid or slow, they’re merely inexperienced. Every clerk you run across into whilst shopping has at one point been in the same situation as that trainee who doesn’t know all that much. It’s part of the circle of working life.

• 6. Don’t, for the love of Christ, start screaming at a trainee.
  What better way to put someone in an unfair and uncomfortable situation. “You must be new here. Allow me to welcome you by screaming my head at you for a rookie mistake.” Just grit your teeth and take a chill pill.

• 7. If you’re in a hurry, avoid the checkout counter with a trainee manning it.
  By default, most trainees will be ssloooowww. Checkout counters manned by a trainee usually have the shortest lines, but they’ll take as long as a line twice or three times as long. Enough said, I guess…

• 8. Don’t start changing your mind about your order or transaction while faced with a trainee.
  It’s hard enough to take in all that new information and how that new cash register system works and what all the store policies are. With all that cluttering up your mind, try to keep up with a customer who changes his or her mind every 4.8 seconds. Make up your mind BEFORE you get to the checkout counter.

• 9. Be understanding.
  If it’s someone’s first day, they need all the help from you that they can get. Patience is a virtue. Give the trainee some space to learn and do their brand-spanking new job.

• 10. And finally, a few lines to avoid saying when dealing with a trainee:
  -Do you know who I am?!?
  -I’m supposed to get a discount.
  -Why are you so slow?
  -Hurry up!
  -@&%€£§#}¤*%/<#&+@¥$@&%!!!
  -I’m a regular here and I ALWAYS get a discount/special treatment.
  -You should start looking for a new job because you suck at this one.
  -Are you retarded or something?

If you have a story relating to this post, from either side of the counter, or anything to add to this chapter of The Consumer Etiquette Guide, let’s hear it!

The customer is NOT always right. If you agree with this, or wish to know what to do and not do as a consumer, please subscribe to this blog’s updates by the way of the RSS feed or email subscriptions. Thank you for shopping at The Consumer Etiquette Guide, now go and make someone have a nice day at work!

Mommy’s Little Helper

Having your four-year old help you out with your shopping is an issue loaded with mixed feelings from behind the counter. On one hand it’s kinda cute, on the other it can be really frustrating for the cashier.

I’m glad you’re teaching your kid the value of money and how to shop from an early age. They will grow up to become consumers just like you, so starting them off at an early age is a good idea. Sometimes these kids are really cute when they’re making a purchase, adorable even.

Unfortunately though, most of you parents haven’t got the foggiest about what you’re doing and how you should go about teaching your kids to shop.

Your kids will learn quickly to be just like you. So, if you have no manners and are generally rude to the cashier, that little angel you have with you will grow up to be a little demon just like you. You want to be setting a good example, as opposed to being generally whiny and bitchy. Eventually they might realize the best way to go about it, learning from your mistakes, but until them it’s best to set them on the right path.

Here are a few tips on what kind of etiquette most parents have not taught their kids about shopping, and which incidentally many of these said parents ought to learn themselves first, as well as a few pointers to general checkout behavior with your kid:

• It’s polite to greet the cashier, as well as reply to their greeting in a similar fashion.
  This unwritten suggestion applies to both you and your child. Most kids, regardless of age, act as if they were mute and/or dumb. With the smaller kids I can understand that they might be a little intimidated about the situation, but with older kids it’s just rude. A mumble isn’t a very good greeting either.

• The items the child is purchasing should be put on the counter instead of throwing them on it.
  Whether the child is buying these items themselves or they are helping you unload your shopping cart/basket, try to teach the kid not to throw the fragile items on the counter, or any item for that matter. I don’t want to pick up broken sauce jars from the ground or my lap.

• Make sure your kid can count before making them pay for something.
  It’s really frustrating to have to stand by and wait for a kid to count their money, mess up, start over, count their money, mess up, start over, rinse, lather, repeat.

• When your kid passes the cashier your bank or credit card, that doesn’t mean they’ll be signing for it.
  I’ve actually had to teach a few adults that no, your kid can’t sign for you as it has to be the same signature as on the back of the card.

• Pay attention to the people in line behind you.
  Sure, your kid has to learn all this eventually, but you think it’s the right time for it when there’s only one cash register and one cashier, and there are 15 people behind you, three minutes before closing?

• Please, for the love of God, don’t bring your kid and their piggy bank to a store.
  Nobody wants to wait for a 7yr old to count their pennies, especially when they have great difficulty counting past 10…

• Don’t force your kids to be polite and do everything themselves.
  The kid will not learn by being forced to do something. Do YOU work well under pressure, with someone shouting at you and calling you an idiot? They’re kids, for crying out loud, not hand puppets or slaves!

• Go ahead and let your kid help you pack your shopping, but please don’t just stand around expecting them to do the whole thing.
  One, your kid isn’t that fast or efficient at packing. Two, you’re holding up the line.
  Three, don’t just stand there with your arms crossed, shout orders at your kid, and then make them redo it when they did a crummy job at it.

• The counter area is not your kid’s personal playground.
  Don’t let them play with the items on the counter, don’t let them play with the little gate at the counter, don’t let them go behind the counter where I’m at, and for the love of Christ don’t let them climb on th counter. I had a kid who was hanging on the plexiglass at my supermarket counter, even after I told the kid AND them mom that it could break. What happens? The plexiglass broke and the kid went crashing down to the ground. Don’t give me an evil look after I told you what could happen.

• Try to control your kids at the checkout counter.
  I’m trying to be as fast and efficient as possible, but that’s not gonna work when your kids are running around with you shouting and running after them.

• Try to make sure your kids have picked out everything they need BEFORE you get to the checkout counter.
  As opposed to me having to do six different one item transactions with you because your kids keep bringing items to you all the time and you can’t say no to them.

• If you sent your kid to buy something and they spent all their money on useless stuff, don’t come back to the store with the kid crying their eyes out and you shouting at the cashier for selling them so much stuff.
  It’s not the cashier’s fault your kid does not understand the value of money. Nor is it the cashier’s job to control what your kid buys. Stores usually have a policy that cashier will not try to sell extra for kids, so don’t come screaming at up if they bought a lot.

• And finally, my biggest peeve (read: major effing hatred) with kids and parents. This is so crucial that I have to capitalize it. DON’T SEND YOUR LITTLE KID TO BUY YOU ALCOHOL OR CIGARETTES!!!
  I don’t care if they have a note from you or if they tell me that you are sick and thus unable to buy your liquor yourself. It is AGAINST THE LAW to sell alcohol or cigarettes to a child under the legal age for those products, regardless of who it’s for. And there’s no use in barging into the store later, looking like you’re going to murder someone, yelling at the cashier because “you had to come all the way to the store just because your kid wasn’t allowed to purchase your booze for you”. I’m not in the mood to break the law, lose my job, and get fined, just so you can get loaded.

I like kids, they’re usually well behaved and potentially cute. It’s awesome that parents are teaching their kids about the whole shopping experience and getting a soft-spoken “Thank you” from a little kid is one of those things that really make your day. That been said, the bottom line is that kids really shouldn’t deal with money until they know how to count. I’m not talking advanced calculus or anything, just simple addition.

If you have a story relating to this post, from either side of the counter, or anything to add to this chapter of The Consumer Etiquette Guide, let’s hear it!

The customer is NOT always right. If you agree with this, or wish to know what to do and not do as a consumer, please subscribe to this blog’s updates by the way of the RSS feed or email subscriptions. Thank you for shopping at The Consumer Etiquette Guide, now go and make someone have a nice day at work!

Give Me A Little Credit: “Bank or Credit?” Is Not A Yes Or No Question

Every single method of payment has some nuisances attached to them. My favorite pet peeves in this category have to do with payments with some form of cards, be it bank, credit, debit, Visa Electron, or what not.

There’s a huge variety of said cards available to the general public, which, much to the dismay of cashiers and clerks everywhere, come in a million different forms and colors. There are cards which are only a bank card, Visa, Mastercard, American Express, Diners, Visa Electron, a debit card of sorts… You see where I’m going with this.

In addition to all that, there are cards which have both attributes, bank and credit. This little bugger is where most of the problems arise, such as the one mentioned in the post header.

On top of all this, every bank has their own look for their cards, possibly even a background of your choosing. Oh, and then they might also offer their own credit on the card.

Confused yet? That’s just a taste of daily business of cashiers everywhere. With all that information still fresh in your mind, here’s a list of a few things that tick me off when dealing with customers and their cards:

1.) When a cashier asks you a simple question along the lines of “Bank or Credit”, the appropriate answer is not “Yes”. Mind-reading is not part of our training, so these is no way I can tell which one you are referring to. I can’t assume that you meant the first one, because I don’t want to a.) listen to you screaming at me because you meant credit, and b.) fixing it might not be that simple. So when you’re asked a simple question, tell the cashier precisely what you mean.

2.) If the cashier has to repeat the question, don’t lose your mind over it. You’re being asked the same question twice because you weren’t clear about it the first time.

3.) Don’t tell the cashier to put on either one because “it doesn’t matter”. Yes of course it bloody well matters! Oh, and in saying this to the cashier you have essentially waived all right to complain about it.

4.) If you couldn’t make up your mind about whether you want it to be charged on bank or credit, don’t tell the clerk AFTER they have finished the transaction that “I hope you didn’t put it on credit.” Lady, that’s why you were given a choice in the first place!

5.) Don’t start changing your mind in the middle of the payment. More so, don’t change your mind AFTER the transaction has been completed. Depending on the store and the cash register system in use, it’s either really difficult and a pain in the butt to correct it, or there’s the chance that it can’t be done.

6.) If you’re paying with a card that’s only a credit card and the cashier asks you “Bank or Credit”, don’t get all huffy and snap at the cashier that “it only has credit”. Either the cashier is asking this because they aren’t sure about what attributes the card contains, or the card is new to them.

7.) If you have the option to make the background picture of the card be anything you want, please take a few minutes to think about it. I don’t want to look at your fat wife in a bikini, nor am I interested in your horde of kids covered in doodoo. You will rarely look at your card, while someone else will see it everytime you use it. Basically, it’s a way for you to present an image of yourself to the cashier. Choose carefully.

8.) Take good care of your card. Quite frequently I get a card that has been horrendously treated, and then patched up with tape or something. A few times I’ve even been handed a card in several pieces, followed by “if you put them together properly it should work”. (I have the right to not accept that card, and if I deem it to be a hassle, I won’t.) More often than not I get a card which just simply doesn’t work because the magnetic strip is completely busted. All of the above instances just mean one thing: more unnecessary work for me, the cashier.

9.) If your card doesn’t work, it’s not the cashier’s fault. There are basically four reasons why your card might not work:

• a.) Your card is broken. Many cash registers are sensitive beings and won’t accept your card. It can typically be entered manually, but it takes a lot longer.
• b.) There’s a system failure. This happens ever so often. There have been times that I’ve been at work and no card has worked. The reason this affects the consumer is because many cards go through a verification process before the register accepts it. If the link to the verification center is offline, your card will not work.
• c.) Your card is not accepted. Although most stores nowadays accept practically every card, international cards and rarer cards can be a problem. I’ve been told that each individual type of card from every bank has to be entered into the register system of each chain individually. So obviously some will be forgotten and many of the rarer cards will not work because no one though it would ever come up. Seriously, how often does a Namibian bank card come up in, say, Siberia?
• d.)You either have no money or no credit. Well, yeah. If you don’t have money or credit, it’s pretty obvious that you can’t buy stuff.

10.) If the clerk makes a mistake with your card, keep your cool and be understanding. If you avoid the mistakes I pointed out above and adhere to all the said rules, everything should go fine and mistakes will be avoided. More importantly, the mistakes can be fixed pretty fast. If, on the other hand, you blow up and scream at the cashier for making a mistake, things will be fixed reeaallllyyy ssllooowwwlyyy. Partly because you are acting like an asshole. Partly because your screaming is hindering me from fixing my mistake, a mistake which most likely was due to you being inconsiderate, naive, and and idiot. So, shut up and let me fix this. Thank you.

The cashier knows all. End of discussion. Ok, seriously, in all the ten scenarios I just pointed out above, the cashier is right and knows best. Don’t scream at the cashier under any circumstances. There is nothing you can gain from screaming (except maybe being barred from that particular store), so seriously, STFU.

If you have a story relating to this post, from either side of the counter, let’s hear it!

The customer is NOT always right. If you agree with this, or wish to know what to do and not do as a consumer, please subscribe to this blog’s updates by the way of the RSS feed or email subscriptions. Thank you for shopping at The Consumer Etiquette Guide, now go and make someone have a nice day at work!

Jesus Loves You! (Everyone Else Thinks You’re An Asshole)

Hands up who’s ever had someone come up to you, hand you a leaflet and start talking to you about Jesus and the importance of accepting Christ?

Ok, from the show of hands I can tell most of you know what I’m talking about.

Now, what do you usually do when you spot someone passing out these flyers, looking to talk to you about the love of Christ? Who here just keeps walking or gives them the cold shoulder?

Still a bunch of hands up in the air. Good, good.

Ever been stuck in a place where you can’t escape, if that would be your plan of action?

Right, final question to those of you who still have their hand up in the air. This ever happen to you at WORK?

Look, I have nothing against people doing what they like doing. I’m not bashing religion. I’m comfortable with my relationship, or lack there of, with religion. I categorize you in the same merry bunch as the Greenpeace and Unicef drones who approach me on the streets. I’ll approach you if I deem it necessary. Go ahead and spread the word of God. Just please, please have some respect for those who choose not to listen to you. Forcing religion on people is not kosher (sorry about that…).

Most importantly though, don’t do it when I’m at work! I have enough whackjobs to deal with, so I don’t need a lesson in religion when I’m trying serve customers. (Especially don’t start preaching to me when you look like you’ve been living in a cave since the turn of the century. Oh, and combining this sermon with the purchase of two packs of sausages, a gossip magazine and a six-pack of beer really makes you seem like an ideal servant of God…)

This example runs along with one of the most crucial themes of this etiquette guide: respect. This behavior at the checkout counter is truly disrespectful, as you’re holding up the line, inconveniencing the people behind you, and most importantly putting the clerk into an uncomfortable situation where they can’t escape from and can’t do this job. There’s a time and a place for most things, and preaching about Jesus does not belong at a place of business.

One of the last things a cashier, sitting at the supermarket cash register, needs is someone launching into a sermon on why, right now, at this very spot, you need to accept Christ as your savior. What they need is better pay, a break and a little respect. Never heard about God or Jesus paying anyone’s bills…

Oh, and that little leaflet you shove into my hand so I can “learn to love Jesus on my coffee break”? Please don’t be dumbfounded when I give it back to you, or shocked when I throw it into the trash a few minutes later. If you see me throwing it into the trash ten minutes later, don’t come and hand me another one. There was a darn good reason why I threw it away in the first place! (the prose was substandard, and I didn’t really care too much for the lead characters…)

If you’re one of these people, or know someone who does this, here’s a short list of responses you might get from a clerk if you try to woe them into your religion while they’re on the clock, as well as what they might actually be thinking:

Jesus Loves You! = Thank you and have a nice day. Thanks, now please move along.
Here, take this leaflet so you can learn more about Jesus. = Thank you, I’ll take a look at it later. All I need you to give me is some form of payment, possibly some ID as well.
You need to accept Jesus as your savior! = Um, ok. Thank you, I’ll be sure to remember that. Do I now? Can Jesus give me a pay raise?
You must accept Jesus as your savior or you’ll burn in Hell! = Um… (No idea how to react to that.) Security!
Jesus this and Jesus that…(launching into an endless sermon about how I’m a sinner and why I should love Jesus because he’s such a *cool* guy) = Thank you for sharing that with me, but I really must get back to my job. zzzzzzzzz…

Finally, a note to religious leaders. Having nutcases bother people on the streets, at work or through the mailbox opening on doors is probably not the best image you want to portray. Neither is the crazy lady wearing a white curtain as a dress, complete with a cross on the back, telling everyone who passes by that “God makes me see things”. Hire some underwear models to spread the gospel, that’ll get peoples’ attention!

If you have a story relating to this post, from either side of the counter, let’s hear it!

The customer is NOT always right. If you agree with this, or wish to know what to do and not do as a consumer, please subscribe to this blog’s updates by the way of the RSS feed or email subscriptions. Thank you for shopping at The Consumer Etiquette Guide, now go and make someone have a nice day at work!

“Slut, Where’s My Food!?” [Bad Examples]

I’ll kick off my Bad Examples section with a pretty bad case of a obnoxious, rude, inconsiderate, sad excuse for a human being. (I apologize for the crude language…)

Who in their right mind would call a cashier a, and I’m quoting through translation here, “fucking slut”? How badly has this person been offended to warrant this kind of behavior?

Fact #1: These is never, NEVER, any reason to call someone a “fucking slut”, especially if you don’t know this person.

Fact #2: Who was this particular character? A grumpy old man? A stressed-out business man? No. A 14-year old kid! 14! Baseball cap sideways on the top his empty head, a plastic dollar sign ‘bling’ necklace around his chubby neck, pants a mere inch from falling off, only saved from that fate by his fat ass, a t-shirt about 19 sizes too big for him making him look like Casper The Ghetto Ghost. 14!

I was standing in line at McDonald’s yesterday before going to work when this exchange occured. There weren’t too many people in line, but there were only two girls manning the cash registers and just one guy in the kitchen flipping the burgers. So obviously they were a little understaffed at the moment. Nevertheless, this exchange occured:
ME = Who else?
MC = Mousy Cashier
PAK = Pretentious Asshole Kid

PAK: (to his friends a few meters behind me) “What the fuck is taking so fucking long? Bitch should stop serving these fags and make my fucking burgers.”
MC: (to ME) “Hello. What would you like?”
ME: “Hi… (make my order)
PAK: (moving closer to counter) “Where’s my fucking food?”
MC: (glances at PAK, then gathers up my to go order and finishes up the transaction)
PAK: (to MC) “What the fuck!? Where’s my fucking food you fucking slut?”
ME: (turn around and stare at PAK in disbelief)
MC: (to PAK) “I’m sorry, but your order isn’t ready yet.”
PAK: “Fucking hurry up!”
MC: “I’m sorry, but I told you when you ordered that they weren’t ready and you might have to wait 5 minutes.”
PAK: “I’m gonna be late to fucking school cuz you’re so fucking slow! How fucking hard is it to make my burgers?”
MC: (to ME after I’ve received my food and paid for it.) “Thank you!”
ME: (to MC) Thanks, and hang in there with this asshole.
MC: “Thanks. Have a nice day.”
ME: “You too. Don’t let this guy spoil it.”
ME: (to PAK after pouring myself the complimentary cup of coffee and walking past him) “Shut up and learn some manners.”
PAK: (to ME) “Go fuck yourself, you fucking fag!”

Seriously, wtf? What the hell was up this kid’s backside? I’m not going to go into a huge rant about kids not having manners anymore nowadays, but seriously.

The mousy girl who had to endure this crap had phenomenal patience though. I though I was ultra patient, but someone give make this girl the Employee of the Month or something!

Oh, and in case you were wondering how long the kid had been waiting for his burgers to make him burst out like this, 4 minutes. That’s right. 4 MINUTES! And the cashier had told him it could take 5 minutes…

I’m sure anyone who has ever worked at any fast food restaurant will agree with me when I say this:
If you’re in a hurry, don’t order something that’s not ready and will take 5 minutes to prepare, and especially DON’T START CALLING THE CASHIER NAMES WHEN YOU HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE TIME SHE TOLD YOU IT MIGHT TAKE!

I’m still in awe at the girl’s patience and in shock at the kid’s behavior. I have one more thing to add, a little message for the kid:
Good luck with the rest of your life, you worthless piece of garbage!

Ever had to dealt with this kind of Emmy Award Winners? Share your stories in the comments below!

The customer is NOT always right. If you agree with this, or wish to know what to do and not do as a consumer, please subscribe to this blog’s updates by the way of the RSS feed or email subscriptions. Thank you for shopping at The Consumer Etiquette Guide, now go and make someone have a nice day at work!

Introducing Bad Examples

I’ve been searching the blogosphere for other blogs in my niche recently, blogs by other salesclerks and whatnot in customer service. Found a few diamonds, which I’ll be adding to my blogroll soon (on the right side of by blog under the heading “Blogroll”). From them I’ve been reading a lot of stories about bad customers, which is great entertainment and therapy for anyone working in Customer Service.

 

In keeping with the theme of bad customers, I’ll be adding my own little stories to this blog as Bad Examples. I already mention these Emmy Award winners in my posts to emphasize a point, so the Bad Examples will merely be short posts that aren’t joined to any Etiquette rules outright. They’ll mainly be for your entertainment, with a note to never do or say the same things as a customer.

All the stories I’ll portray will be true, written as accurately as I can recall. Obviously I’ll have to translate them into English first, as I work in Finland. These manner-deficient people will be customers I have served, my friends have served and told me about, and occasions when I witness such behavior outside of work. Looking forward to sharing these stories with you all!

There won’t be a certain day or frequency when I’ll post these Bad Examples, as human stupidity is devoid of any logic and thus cannot be predicted. Might happen every day, might happen once in a blue moon. (I’ll put my money on the former though…).

You can find a list of these Bad Examples here. If you work, or have ever worked, in Customer Service, you can relate and you should enjoy these dodos. (Unfortunately, unlike dodos, these people aren’t extinct.)

The customer is NOT always right. If you agree with this, or wish to know what to do and not do as a consumer, please subscribe to this blog’s updates by the way of the RSS feed or email subscriptions. Thank you for shopping at The Consumer Etiquette Guide, now go and make someone have a nice day at work!

Get The [censored] Out Of My [censored] Way!

Obviously no clerk should ever say anything like that to a customer. That’d be a big no-no. Well, not aloud anyway.

Most of the time, it’s the clerk who must either wait for the customer to get out of the way, or go around them. There are though a few cases when the customer should move for the good of clerk-kind, and will move if they have any common sense. (Common sense being the first thing people tend to lose on the way to the stores…)

Here’s my rant of the week, of an event at work yesterday.
The store, which by the way is really quite small, was awash with customers, many of them the hopeless wanderers who couldn’t find the floor without asking for help. Just the way I like it, a slalom course of screaming kids running around, mothers and their baby prams and shopping bags, sweet old grandmas complaining about the cost of everything and other lost souls staring at the ceiling as if someone had written the meaning of life up there.

Navigating the store under these circumstances is a slight task, so I upped the ante. I took it upon myself to carry 5 boxes of candlelights, stacked on top of each other somewhat precariously, each weighing approximately 12KG, from one end of the store to the other. Had to be done, as the boxes haven’t yet learned how to fly that distance, regardless of me persistently training them.

Now, I know my way around the store, and I’m not akin to an elephant in a porcelain store. Nevertheless, the excursion I was about to take was no walk in the park. Being pressed for time just made it ever so slightly more interesting.

Having picked up the 5 boxes, I proceed to my first roadblock: a mother who has parked her baby pram right in front of curtain acting as a door to the back room.
“Excuse me, could I get through please?” (Repeat once.) Pram is moved.
“Thank you!”

Second roadblock: the sad excuse of an organized queue, with people lining up from three different directions to one checkout counter.
“Excuse me.” (Repeat to five different customers) Customers glance and shift ever so slightly in four different directions. (Common sense, where art thou?)

Third roadblock: Middle-aged man has a question.
“Where have you hidden the reading glasses?”
“They’re right behind you.”

Fourth roadblock: A few kids running around playing tag, barely missing other customers and almost dropping items off them shelves.
“Careful, you might hurt yourself running around in here. There’s more space outside for you to run.” (Do I care if you hurt yourself while running around in a small space like a headless chicken? Um, no. I just don’t want to have clean up after you, on top everything else.)

Fifth roadblock: Old man dazed and confused, staring at nothing in general. Also, listening to absolutely nothing.
“Excuse me.” (Repeat three times with varying volume levels, then make it obvious you’re trying to get past.)

Sixth roadblock: Middle-aged woman bumps into me, nearly knocking the top box off my pile, in which case it would have fallen onto another customer.
I apologize. “I’m sorry.” The reply? An angry look. (I apologize dearly for you bumping into me. Geez.)

Seventh roadblock: Several people picking out Christmas cards.
“Excuse me.”
“Sorry.” (Customers move, but point their chit-chat in my direction.)
“You have a lot of really nice Christmas cards this year.” (Lady, they’re exactly the same cards as last year…)

Eight roadblock: Somebody’s shopping bags in the middle of the path. (Look around for owner of said bags, spot a possible candidate.)
“Excuse me, are these your bags?”
“Oh I’m sorry, didn’t realize I left them blocking the path.” (Quite alright, just watch where you put your bags. I almost stepped on your groceries. But anyway, thank you for the sincere apology.)

Ninth roadblock: Old woman approaches me with that look, the look of ‘I have absolutely no idea what I’m looking for, but you’re going to help me find it’.
“Do you work here?”
“Yes I do.” (The fact that I’m wearing a short sleeve workshirt while everyone else has a winter coat on, or the 5 boxes I’m currently carrying didn’t give you a hint?)
“Good, then you can come help me.” (Grabs me by the arm and starts pulling me into the direction I just came from.)
“Sure thing, lemme just put these boxes away first just over there.”
“Oh, fine then.” (Doesn’t seem satisfied that the service wasn’t instantaneous.)

Repeat above scenario x number of times, multiply by lack of sleep to the power of I need coffee.

That’s shipment day during busy seasons.

If you have a story relating to this post, from either side of the counter, let’s hear it!

The customer is NOT always right. If you agree with this, or wish to know what to do and not do as a consumer, please subscribe to this blog’s updates by the way of the RSS feed or email subscriptions. Thank you for shopping at The Consumer Etiquette Guide, now go and make someone have a nice day at work!

The Business of Catalogues: Fact vs Fiction

Every so often a catalogue of varying thickness drops into your mailbox from a particular store.
Most people glance at it and throw it away.
Some scour through it for those (relatively useless) coupons.
Some make up their shopping lists from those catalogues.
Some treat them as their shopping bible.
Some just throw it away as junk mail.

It’s because of this variety of attitudes that stores mail them to EVERYONE. It’s also this variety of attitudes which causes some headaches for the staff at these particular stores.

Customers have on occasion returned the catalogues, along with several well though out words.
Some don’t bother looking at when the prices come into effect and rush to the store to get what they need, several days early.
Some gather up a dozen of the coupons, oblivious to the fact that they usually say something along the lines of ‘1 coupon per household’, then proceed to whine about it.
Others, and this blows my mind, have shown up with the catalogue to a supermarket, walked straight to the checkout counter where I was sitting as a cashier, handed me the catalogue within which they had circled the items they want and “asked” me to fetch them.

Catalogues themselves are a fickle bunch, with little consistency between them.
Some are so small they barely deserve to be called catalogues, just slightly larger than the little leaflets that people pass out on the streets; others are gargantuan opuses the size of atlases or the Yellow Pages, neatly bound and dropping into your mailbox with a confident and loud thunk.
Some are the very definitions of bland and boring, as if composed by a withered and disillusioned 98year old man who has already given up on life; others jump out at you with glee, as if put together by a bunch of colorblind monkeys on a cocktail of crack, acid and peyote, and that’ve been supplied with a warehouse of multicolored paints.
Some are strictly organized to the most minute of details with the precision of a group of highly paid military strategists, while the dictator himself was keeping a watch behind them; others look as if they’d been thrown together mere minutes before the deadline by a slew of college kids experiencing the worst hangover of their lives.

In order to protect the consumer from committing certain mistakes when dealing with catalogues, (and when I say ‘protect’ I mean protect the staff from headaches) I’ve composed a little Fact vs Fiction list of common issues regarding store catalogues. Enjoy!

FICTION: Every price and other details in the catalogue are accurate.
FACT: Catalogues are often riddled with mistakes and discrepancies. This is because they are often hastily thrown together with little regard for accuracy. Often the stores have been misinformed or uninformed about items that are on sale according to the catalogue.

FICTION: Every item in the catalogue should be available at my local branch.
FACT: Each store receives different numbers of particular items, based on the suppliers’ wacky notions of demand, which are not necessarily in tune with reality. Most of the time they just pull these numbers out of thin air. The only consistency is that smaller stores are likely to receive less of the items. With this in mind, if you’re looking to buy large quantities of nosehair trimmers, go to the largest possible branch in your area.

FICTION: I can buy any item in the catalogue on day that the catalogue is valid from.
FACT: Most often stores will not receive all items in the catalogue by the day they are meant to be there. This is usually due to varying shipment days and because stores are subject to the whims of the suppliers. Even if the store has received all the items in the catalogue, the staff haven’t necessarily had the time (read: man hours) to get all the items from the stockroom to the shelves.

FICTION: Supplies of the items mentioned in the catalogue will last as long as the sales are valid.
FACT: Maybe. Maybe not. There’s a reason why stores practically always make sure to write, in tiny lettering, “prices valid until [date], or as long as supplies last”, somewhere in the catalogue.

FICTION: The sales mentioned in the catalogue are already valid when the catalogue arrives.
FACT: That’d be kinda pointless, wouldn’t it? Stores tend to mail the catalogues a few days, maybe a week, before the sales come into effect. You know, to build up some hype about those 25 cent discounts. Let the consumer sweat it out for a few days. (Nevertheless, countless people tend not to know this and rush to the store on the day the catalogue arrives, screaming bloody murder when the items aren’t on sale or they can’t find them.) Printed on the front page of pretty much every catalogue are the dates when the sales are in effect, and especially when new items come on sale.

A catalogue is not a shopping bible. Nor is it infallible. Think of a catalogue as a guide to saving a few cents and being in tune with the latest trends in fashion. Consume in small doses to avoid overdosing on bargain hunting. Be sure to pack enough common sense for the hunt. Your catalogue will act as a map. The devil is in the details, so watch your step.

Thank you for not causing a wave of headaches for the clerks.

If you have a story relating to this post, from either side of the counter, let’s hear it!

The customer is NOT always right. If you agree with this, or wish to know what to do and not do as a consumer, please subscribe to this blog’s updates by the way of the RSS feed or email subscriptions. Thank you for shopping at The Consumer Etiquette Guide, now go and make someone have a nice day at work!

A big thank you to my girlfriend, Nora, for helping me with this post.

The Complaints Notebook

Ever wonder what the cashiers at supermarkets do when they have nothing to do at the checkout counter? When they can’t leave their post? Twiddle their thumbs? Play Sudoku? Doodle? Take a nap?

Pretty much all of the above apply, except for the taking a nap, cuz that would be a bad idea. Oh the countless times I’ve longed to take a nap at work… In addition to the above, at least one supermarket I’ve worked at had a great little timewaster set up for ve cashiers: the Complaints Notebook.

Although the name might imply that this particular notebook serves as a place to write down customer complaints, so the store might improve upon these areas, that’s not the case. It’s something much much better than that.

This notebook is meant solely for the cashiers, for amusement. Management rarely see them, if they even know about them. Instead of writing down complaints that customers have directed at the cashier, the notebook serves as a place for the cashier to write down their complaints about the customers.

Now before you customers start to cry out Bloody Mary and Joseph, read on.

It takes months to fill in this little notebook. Having read many of them, I can tell you that they’re solely for the sake of amusement. No particular customer is singled out by name.

Only about a quarter of the contents of these notebooks are actually complaints about customers, and in those cases they’re very general. As an example, these complaints are typically in the form of “Don’t you hate it when customers…” or “Just had another customer who…”.

The majority of the entries into these notebooks are along the lines of “Boring…”, “Been sitting here for 45 minutes and hadn’t had a single customer in that time…”, “Two hours to go, before I get to party!”, “Register 12 again, the quietest register! Yay?”, and “I need coffee…”. You’ll also find such jewels as “I’ve had it with these f@%§ing christmas carols and it’s only November!” and “Here again, been a while since I last wrote something in this here notebook. How’s everyone doing?”. Must not forget about the doodles, either.

The point I’m trying to make is that not all “bad” customers end up in these notebooks for the amusement of the cashiers. Some of you do though.

So what kind of behavior will grant you a starring role? Read this blog and you’ll get an idea. And it’s not only the notebook you’ll end up in, as the staff love to talk shit about those who made their day sour. It’s a form of therapy to prevent cashiers and clerks from burning out on the job.

To everyone else in the field, how do you vent your frustrations about bad customers? You have a notebook at your checkout counter? Plenty of gossip and such in the breakroom? Need a drink after every shift? Or do you have a blog about it, as I’ve done. What’s your form of therapy?

If you have a story relating to this post, from either side of the counter, let’s hear it!

The customer is NOT always right. If you agree with this, or wish to know what to do and not do as a consumer, please subscribe to this blog’s updates by the way of the RSS feed or email subscriptions. Thank you for shopping at The Consumer Etiquette Guide, now go and make someone have a nice day at work!