10 Things NOT To Say To A Clerk On A Busy Day

10: “Busy day, huh?”
Thank you pointing out the obvious. You’re the first person to tell me that today. I don’t think I would have noticed without you. Now move along, you’re holding up the queue.

9: “I forgot to weight my vegetables. Be a good boy/girl and go do that for me.”
Gladly. While I do that, would you be so kind as to explain to the 27 people behind you why they have to wait longer in line while I’m off doing what you should have done yourself.

8: “Why don’t you have more checkout counters open?”
Oh, we would if it were up to the clerks. Because it isn’t, you have to settle for what’s available, while we have to work harder and faster to clear the growing queues. Talk to
management.

7: “You need to open more checkout counters
to get rid of the queues.”
Really, Captain Obvious? Ever occur to you that we’ve already called for more checkout counters? It’s not economically beneficial to have 25 people sitting around twiddling their thumbs, just waiting for those brief periods of time when it’s really busy. We’re doing the best we can. See above.

6: “Hold on for a minute, I forgot some goods.”
The best time to say this is when it’s your turn and the clerk has already registered all your items. That way you’ll hold up the queue most efficiently. That was your purpose, right? No? Well you did it anyway.

5: “I’m going to pay with coins.”
Unless you have no other means of payment on you, please don’t pay with coins when it’s a busy day. It’s the slowest possible means of payment, especially if you try to come up with the exact change. Oh, and whatever you do, DON’T hand the clerk a piggy bank or a plastic bag full of coins and tell them to find the right amount, from the smallest possible denomination. No one wants to have to handle, let alone count, 2159 pennies. Go to the bank.

4: “Hold on, I have to take this call.”
Um, no you don’t. It’s rude to talk on your phone while making a shopping transaction. It’s inconsiderate towards the clerk, as well as the other customers behind you. Tell the person that you’ll call back or have them call you back. If you really do have to take the call, don’t forget that you’re holding up the line. The other customers won’t complain to you about it, they’ll complain to the clerk. Thanks.

3: “You can’t go on break now, you have to serve me.”
Um, yes I can, and I will. If you’re going to be a twat about it, I really don’t want to serve you. And you know what? I don’t have to. I have every right to take a break. Actually, it’s government mandated. So pipe down and move to another queue. There are other queues, you know.

2: “Why are you so slow?”
Let’s see. I’m tired. I’ve been at work for hours. I’ve been making the same back and forth movement repeatedly for several hours at a time. I’ve been yelled at. I haven’t had my morning cup of coffee yet. I might be new to this job.
Take your pick. Clerks are only human. No matter how fast we’re moving, it’s always too slow for someone. We do our best, depending on the circumstances.

1: “Move faster, I don’t have all day.”
It’s ok, we get paid by the hour, we’re in no hurry, we do have all day. Every clerk moves as fast and as efficiently as he or she can at that given moment. It would be cruel and unusual to assume that one can work at breakneck speed for in excess of 8 hours a day. If you tell us a plausible reason as to why we have to move fast, politely, we might just dip into that little extra energy which we might have stored up.

+1: “I want to talk to the manager.” (after your credit card has been rejected) [Contributed by James]
The manager isn’t going to be able to miraculously snap his/her fingers and make your card work again. If the card was rejected, there was probably a darn good reason for that. Wanting a second opinion is just going to make everyone in line have to wait a little longer. Btw, the manager will merely repeat the EXACT same things as the clerk. Your busted/closed/expired/empty/maxed out/etc card WILL NOT WORK NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES OR HOW MANY PEOPLE TRY TO USE IT! So hand over another card or gimme some cash.

I have purposely limited this list to just 10 banned phrases, plus contributions, in the interest of keeping this post short and simple. If you have any quotes to add to this list, please write them in the comments section below. Don’t forget, if you have a story relating to this post, from either side of the counter, let’s hear it!

The customer is NOT always right. If you agree with this, or wish to know what to do and not do as a consumer, please subscribe to this blog’s updates by the way of the RSS feed or email subscriptions. Thank you for shopping at the Consumer Etiquette Guide, now go and make someone have a nice day at work!